Over the weekend, I journeyed to Lubbock, Texas to present a paper at the North American Society for Sport History conference. The trip there was arduous, since thunder and lightening storms had the Dallas/Fort Worth airport in a snarl that resembled what you would get trying to ply silk singles from a center pull ball. My flight out of Sacramento was delayed, which meant I missed my connecting flight. But I called on my innate understanding of Texans to ameliorate the situation, an understanding I had gleaned during fourth grade.
When I was in third grade, we lived in Southern California and I attended a "progressive" grade school. Our classrooms were called "pods" and they were an open layout, with the three third grade "pods" directly opposite the three fourth grade "pods" and all were connected by a center "pod" that was for shared group activities. It's hard to describe, but you get the idea that this was not a traditional school. Then my dad got transferred to Houston, Texas, and there I spent fourth grade. Talk about culture shock.
At that time, Texas grade schools were ultra-traditional. They may still be, I don't know. But teaching the young 'uns to respect their elders was paramount, and we had to call our teachers "Sir" and "Ma'am" (as in "Yes, sir," and "No, ma'am"), and corporal punishment was a daily occurrence, with infractions calling for a student to be yanked aside and paddled in front of everyone. Needless to say, this new school environment was a difficult adjustment for me (although as a generally obedient kid, I never got into trouble). Still, I developed a variety of ailments such as the ever popular "stomach ache" to get out of going to school whenever possible. My parents split up in Houston, and my mom took us back to California at the end of the year. I generally thought of my time in Texas as a traumatic and wasted experience. But what I didn't realize at the time was that I also gained an inherent ability to function in Texas, which came in incredibly handy this past weekend.
So there I was, at the Dallas airport. As soon as I got off the plane, I knew I was in Texas. There was a miasma of Texas-ness about the place. I instantly switched into my fourth-grade-acquired-Texas-cultural-response mode, and sashayed up to the airline counter, unconsciously lapsing into Texas-speak. "Hi there!" I said brightly to the ticket agent. "My flight was delayed and I have missed my connecting flight. Is there any chance that I can get on another flight?", all of this said with a gigantic smile and hopeful expression. "Well, all the flights were full the last time I looked, so you may have to wait awhile," said the bleached blonde attendant apologetically. "That's okay, they've got barbecue right here in the airport!" I gushed gleefully. "It's gooood barbecue too, melts right in your mouth!" responded the attendant encouragingly. "Oh, look, a space on the last flight opened up just as I was talking to you! Here's your boarding pass!" With a twangy "thank yew soooo much," I then sashayed off to have myself some barbecue. It was gooood barbecue, too.
My friends, so that you may benefit from my fourth grade experiences, if you ever find yourself needing to chat up the airline attendant in Texas, the magic word is "barbecue." Texans are immensely proud of their barbecue, and rightfully so. Lest you doubt the power of the magic word, you should know that I leap-frogged over about 10 people on standby for that airline seat, and the seat next to me on the plane was empty. In this instance, "stand-by" was code for "10 people who didn't know the magic word."
So after a 14 hour marathon, I ultimately ended up in Lubbock at 1 a.m., and collapsed into bed. The phone rang at 6 a.m., since my roommate had put in for an early wake up call. I had thought our presentation was at 1 p.m., but it turns out I was wrong. I had to get up, get myself fully caffeinated, and present my paper at 9 a.m. It was okay, but it could have been better with a few more hours of sleep. The conference planners had generously provided "thank yew" goodies:
A tote bag, because one does quite a bit of toting in Texas, and some cunning little bales of cotton wrapped up in Texas Tech bandanas. I got an extra bale of cotton after I exclaimed to one of my panel presenters that I could spin that cotton. She donated her bale to my cotton-spinning cause. Lubbock has an agricultural research center devoted to all things cotton, which is why such an interesting memento was provided.
My co-presenter, Amy, also had a most excellent gift for me. At the last conference we attended together, I gave her a copy of the book, "Subversive Cross Stitch," because she is a cross stitcher. At the time, I hinted broadly that there was one project in the book that I would love to have. She obligingly stitched the following sampler for me:
This will be lovingly framed and hung on the wall of my office. And it will never, ever be shown to an airline attendant in Texas, because they just wouldn't understand, unless we were referring to barbecue.
The flight home that evening was thankfully uneventful. My first flight was almost delayed by a spectacular lightening storm, which is the other thing I like about Texas. Their summer storms make our California rainshowers look like spit. Texas storms feature big, fat raindrops that pour down by the bucketful, with truly impressive thunder and lightening, and it's all over usually in less than an hour. I felt like that storm was in my honor, and it passed so quickly that it didn't impact my travel a whit.
It's great to be home, and even better to feel like fourth grade wasn't wasted after all.
















